Last night, I was watching War of the Roses — the wonderfully dark 1989 classic where Michael Douglas and Kathleen Turner play a married couple who slowly (and hilariously) destroy each other, their lives, and most importantly, their gorgeous house — all during a messy, bitter divorce. It’s basically HGTV meets psychological warfare. If you haven't seen it, watch it.
Spoiler alert: nobody wins. Especially not the real estate.
And while most divorcing couples I’ve worked with in Newberg aren’t swinging from chandeliers or running over each other’s BMWs (yet), the stress of splitting up and selling a house can absolutely make you feel like you're starring in your own R-rated romantic tragedy.
So here it is — your Step-by-Step Guide to Selling a House During Divorce (Without Burning It to the Ground):
Step 1: Pick the Right Agent (Hi, It’s Me)
It's no secret that I too have been divorced and have lived to renovate again. Now, I specialize in working with divorcing couples here in Newberg, McMinnville, Dundee, and beyond. So now that's out of the way, let's move on.
Step 2: Decide Who’s Calling the Shots
You’re both technically still owners. So unless one of you wants to go full War of the Roses and lock the other out of the house, you’ll need to agree on how decisions will be made. Tip: Don’t argue about light fixtures via group text at 11 p.m. It never ends well.
Step 3: Set a Price — Not a Trap
This is where a solid market analysis comes in. You want top dollar, but you don’t want to be in escrow until your next marriage fails. I’ll run comps, and make sure we price the house to sell not to sit.
Step 4: Stage It Like You’re Not Miserable
If the house screams "someone screamed here," we’ve got problems. No one wants to walk into a house that smells like resentment and stale La Croix. We’ll clean it up, stage it neutral, and pretend like everything is fine. (Just like you did for the last two years of the marriage.)
Step 5: Showings: Leave the House. Seriously.
Please don’t sit on opposite ends of the sectional glaring at each other while I try to talk to potential buyers. I beg you. Go to Jem 100 for a milkshake. Separately.
Step 6: Offers, Escrow, and Not Killing Each Other
Once the offers come in, I’ll break everything down, handle negotiations, and keep it professional. You don’t need to talk to each other unless you want to (you probably don’t). I’ll coordinate with attorneys if needed. All you have to do is not light the house on fire.
Step 7: Closing Day: Sweet, Sweet Freedom
Once we close, funds are split, signatures are signed, and you each ride off into your respective sunsets — or separate condos. It’s not the happy ending you dreamed of, but it can be a clean one.
And let’s be real — you deserve that fresh start.
Selling a Home During Divorce in Newberg Doesn’t Have to Be War
Here’s the truth: it’s tough. Emotions are high. But I’ve helped couples navigate this process time and time again. I keep it clear, calm, confidential — and a little funny when it helps.
So if you’re in Newberg, Dundee, Carlton, McMinnville — or anywhere in Yamhill County — and you're staring down the barrel of divorce and home sale, don’t hire an amateur.
Call me. I’ll keep the knives in the kitchen where they belong.
